When I’m 64 (Halved): Oh, the delight of BEings of Light!

When inspiration hits, it’s best to run with it.

I’ve existed on this planet in some coherent version of the Self that everyone calls Stela for 32 chronological years. During this time, I have gathered so much life experience, more than some ever gain in their entire lifetimes. And here I am, at this tender age, deconstructing everything I have been taught to believe is true. I now know: it’s all lies, some well-intended (i.e. from my family) and others ill-intended (i.e. from power-hungry governments and greed-hungry corporations), and others still just because (i.e. tradition). And I feel an incredible amount of freedom emanating from every cell in my body in knowing this (my) Truth because now, in each and every moment, I get to CHOOSE how I live my life, and increasingly more, I am choosing from the source of Divine Light that I AM.

From this ethereal space, I descend and increasingly more I chose a life on the physical realm that aligns with that being of light that I know mySelf to be.

Awakening to this realization has not come without tremendous pain that almost killed me– confusion, separation, disengagement, disillusion, struggle, fighting, confronting, pushing, lying, hunger, political persecution, violence, molestation, rape, rage, going crazy, anger, fear, disrespect, disease, co-dependency, self-deprivation, self-loathing,  suicidal, shame, over-worked, under-valued, drugs, addiction, denial, hope, desperation…

Today I know– all of this fire energy was nothing more than fuel for the transformation of consciousness that was awaiting me. Today I know — it is throughpain that, the lucky ones who chose it for themselves, evolve into WHAT they ARE

Oh, the fucking freedom! I can feel it vibrating in every cell of my body! Today, I know SO MUCH MORE about what and who I am than I ever did!

I know that I am in the process of shattering and dismantling old belief systems at the speed of light. Instead, I am creating new paradigms for mySelf and those whose lives interact with mine that serve our Soul, our Essence, our Truth, our Humanity, our Inter-Connectedness. The new paradigms taking over are not even one tiny bit based on the old ones –they are BIG, they are enlivening, and they are empowering! They allow for the evolution of SO MUCH MORE.

They allow for quantum leaps, not incremental shifts.

As I write this, I am fully aware of the fact that this new BEcoming is a process –and one that I wholeheartedly trust to take me to the new dimensions of BEing…where I am all of mySelf. And in this re-structuring phase, I get to chose to let the old me die so that the actual me emerges. I get to pay attention to my thoughts, my body movements, my beliefs, my values, my attitudes … and I get to consciously let them go. I get to live, increasingly more, by an internal Truth that guides me in the direction of the eternal. I get to live my life knowing, increasingly more, that I AM … eternal, in this very moment, and in every moment.

Reality is what I make it. Two people can experience the same event and they will both have vastly different understandings of what happened there. This is because we experience the world (and each other) as who we are, not some “objective” reality out there (oh, ontology and epistemology have proven useful in my life! Master’s degree totally worth it LOL).

My reality is: I live in a reality created by a collective consciousness, this is true, AND I have my own personal reality that I create with the very vibrations I produce in each and every moment of my day. I am powerful and I am “whole, unique and essential to my world” (Louise LeBrun). I live from a space of returning to mySelf, to my consciousness, to mindfulness…to light. In this way, I embody WHAT I AM –a divine being of light.

From this space, I have no desire to live/play/re-create/re-experience the old. I have lived and learned a lot, and those lessons have done well by me. It is now time to let go of all that, increasingly more, and to BE guided by the light, the love, the essence, the Self, the Truth, the Soul.

This means spending so much more time surrendering to the internal space than I ever have before. It means prioritizing mySelf over everything else external. It means devoting to a life that enlivens my Soul. It means spending more time with those who propel me upwards. It means creating sacred spaces where souls can meet and feel safe to become more of who they are.

It means connecting to my eternal Truth by refocusing my attention to the base of my spine before speaking, moving, acting in any way. It means doing the white feather meditation every single morning. It means connection to all that I am every.single.day, and every.single.moment. It means staying in the tough yet profoundly liberating conversations in any of Sheila Winter Wallace‘s programs and reading all of Deb Ozarko’s and Louise LeBrun’s blogs. It means creating and sustaining a posy of women so deeply hungry for their own evolution that propel me forward at the speed of light! And together, we change our worlds…

Reality is what I make it — my reality is mine, and there is nothing that exists outside of me that I do not create/attract/manifest. It is all me, and I am it all…

I can feel the truth of this vibrating my every cell in my body. It may not be your truth (yet), and it is mine. I do now know what I do now know (yet) and I trust that whatever I attract is to propel me toward embodying more of the divine being of light that I already am. I AM!!!!

While full integration of ethereal and physical is unlikely for me in my short time on this planet, the closer I get, the more I LIVE WHAT I AM, the more freedom I experience from all the physical constraints manifested and perpetuated by the disillusioned collective consciousness.

I am not my body.

I am not my cultural conditioning (aka ego).

I am not small/diseased/broken/unworthy/pre-determined/mindless/destructive…

…and neither are you.

I AM a divine being of light.

I am joyful.


I am this moment, and I am eternity.

I am everything, and I am everyone, and everything is part of everything, and parts of everything are part of the whole.

…and so are you.

End of the day, we are all ONE. Each aspects of each other’s consciousness, manifesting in the physical realm… the interconnectedness of it all blows my mind away…

“If you can’t see God in all, you can’t see God at all.” – Yogi Bhajan

So here I am, creating a new world for myself where the paradigms of old have no room to grow any longer. Instead, I am uprooting everything that has already taken place, and this will be my process for the rest of life on planet earth. I believe THIS is why I am here — to experience how divinity lives through a physical world.

With this in mind, I am so ready for my first ever teaching of a kundalini yoga class. I bring with me all that I am, and it is all entirely perfect.

Here, I must thank my parents for naming me this perfect name for me –Stela, starlight. I must also thank Mony Dojeiji for the reminder of what my name means. Lastly, I must thank my friend Elaine Bergevin for inspiring this wake up call with her engaging conversation and inspirational literature.

Oh how sweet life can be…when we chose that for ourSelves! In the wise words of my friend Sheila Winter Wallace “you are inviting and allowing the space, movement and flow that is our birthright. It is all magic and miracles!” Indeed, it absolutely is!

5 thoughts on “When I’m 64 (Halved): Oh, the delight of BEings of Light!”

  1. As always, a provocative and compelling capture of yet another potent moment of evolution! I am most grateful that you take the time to do such things, as the moment shared makes it possible for me to pay attention to my own.

    We are indeed, highly contagious! The critical question then becomes: what are we spreading… by our very existence and moment-to-moment choices? I’m happy to be touched by the thought virus that you are proving yourSelf to be.

    I may not be filled with hope for the species and the planet…. and – when I read your words – I am affirmed in my hope for the power of human evolution when fiercely embraced! Were we all to spend the same amount of time/effort on personal evolution that we devote/commit to protecting ourselves, Gaia would sing!


    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, thank you, Louise! I appreciate every single thought expressed here.
      I’ve learned that, for myself, I feel a deep sense of connection when I share my world. It isn’t about a massive audience, it isn’t even about an audience…it is about the act of sharing, putting it out there, and letting it go. I find it cathartic, and, there’s a sense of ownership of it.
      I am not filled with hope for our species, either. The collective consciousness that we are vibrating is creating biosphere collapse — and it all makes sense, given the choices we have collectively made and continue to make. We have bought into the lie of separation and we are living from that space of disconnect and discontent. Well, no longer am I willing to do that. No longer am I willing to silence the voice of Truth within and submit to the cultural conditioning that is creating the comma the collective is living within. I have no time or space for that. As Alice in Wonderland says, “there is no use in going back to yesterday. I was a different person then.” It has become one of my favourite quotes…a reminder that I am creator, and I create…the world I want to see. I live abundantly in the world I create… after all, we’re in this world, not of it.


  2. Hi Stela,

    Your writing is powerful, potent and moving, indeed…. and even more, for me, through the essence of it all , I feel your undeniable joy of living, being and seeing with different eyes. It is palpable! It creates impact! Such a great and wonderful gift to yourSelf and to all who choose to read and engage. Deeply authentic, present and forward facing in a world that knows its biosphere is in collapse…. yet still denies. In your words, I feel the hope that comes with deeply knowing that each one of us is always, in all ways, at choice for creating our lives. Evolution of consciousness is fuelled in that. Keep on rocking it, Stela. Choice point up!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Sheila, for the generous words! It is through the conversations we have together that I evolve and am able to stand here today and instead of repeating mindless patters that don’t work, and that contribute, entirely, to biosphere collapse, and along with it the internal collapse that so many people are living with, I live as an energetic being of LIGHT. I have no space for denial because that’s what keeps us stuck. I have all the space for expansion of my own personal evolution. In this moment, I live, eyes and heart wide open, KNOWING, that I create the reality I live in, that I am responsible for all of it –the good, the bad, and the ugly. I know that what presents, is never about that thing! This is where I find empowerment, knowing that I can hold true BOTH that the biosphere is collapsing, AND that the life I am creating for myself is full, beautiful, wholly. And so, I keep on keeping on 🙂


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