Letting Go of Our Illusions and Embracing Authenticity: A Different Way of Being

Buy the illusion. Suppress the truth. Be a consumer.

Of your own drama & trauma.

This series of seemingly unrelated yet always interconnected thoughts will give a glimpse into my reality these days. As I type this, I hear my beloved husband and rambunctious son wrestling in “mommy’s bed”, my son’s favourite place to hang out. 

Life has been good lately, yet I’m still manifesting literal pains-in-my-ass, pardon my French (though that’s the type of French I speak well). I have created such epic opportunities for women to gather, talk and transform the quality of their lives. I love my life path (career), and I know how fortunate I am to be living it. So many women get trapped in the want-to-but-won’t. Truth is, taking a step toward will manifest your meaningful reality. So many say they want it, so few are willing to claim it. I wonder what gets in the way… 

I’m mindful now of my own internal bracing. The internalized voices of another that make their way to my awareness. 

I know I’m not alone … 

There seems to be a tendency all around me to want to “normalize” what isn’t. Be it family, be it “sisterhood”, be it the (never-ending) pandemic.  

People around me are speaking as though the pandemic is over, yet the vibration from their body screams fear.  

For me, all I notice is how alive and well it still is. People, at best, on the edge of their seats, hoping to relax but unable because somewhere deep inside their beings (yet consciously unacknowledged) they know: that is far from over. Back to the 6 o’clock news … 

Other people in my awareness have been less lucky these last few years. A 32 year old male neighbour died of a sudden and unexpected heart attack. The family blamed McDonald’s. A family member recently lost her four month old child from her womb, statistically, a 1 in 200 chance at that stage. A friend lost two twins from her womb, and birthed a daughter with her heart outside of her body. The baby died mere hours after she was born. A friend died this week of severe blood clots all over, while she was battling cancer (but the cancer didn’t kill her…). Two years ago, I lost another friend from the same medical problem (blood clots).

Am I getting to that age where people around me normally die? I don’t think so. Something else is going on here… 

Always shoot the messenger.

The truth of constructed reality fucking sucks.

And in my willingness to question that reality inside myself and out loud, I have become the targeted messenger that people attempt to shoot. In my moments of daring to question the-thing-we-no-longer-talk-about-in-order-to-pretend-all-is-well-phew-we-doged-that-bullet, I become the proclaimed problem. Not because people don’t know what they know, but because they don’t want to know. They would rather “trust the (politicized) science” and alienate me than deal with the feelings being in my presence evokes. Because the lingering  intensity of the fear, hopelessness and desperation is that great. 

Indeed, this way of being in the world started much, much earlier for all of us than the pandemic. In fact, our response to the pandemic is systemic because it is a fractal of how we were taught to respond to authority within our family systems.

I don’t like to watch much T.V. anymore (other than Taskmaster with my husband), but yesterday I started to watch a show called “Pain Killers”. It is all about how the opioid “crisis” is no crisis at all, but instead a well calculated, intentionally administered crime from the greatest organized mafia there ever was: the pharmaceutical industry (in bed with the second most criminal cartels:  governments). The same people that brought you ‘valium’ in the ‘70s brought you ‘oxy’ in the 2000’s brought you “safe supply” in 2020. #Trustthescience 

Thing is, everything is interconnected. It’s not just the opioid crisis that was intentionally created. There may be others that have not yet made it to Netflix … 

I believe people as individuals are really smart. We intuitively know things. We know bulshit when we hear it. We know when we’re being manipulated. We know when we’re being lied to. We know when we feel desperate to comply. We know, but we instantly ignore our knowing in favour of the most popular narrative of the time. In following the crowds, we capitulate our inner truth (if we even stopped long enough to notice what it might be). In that,  we get lost in the loudest narratives with the most proclaimed authoritative voice. 

And now, once we’ve already done the thing, it’s too late. Our only remaining option is being right. Such is the power of fear, shame, and outrage combined. 

Stuff. It. In. 
Lock. It. Down. 
Ironically, the way to build community is to lock everyone Inside. 

We care, they say.
We are doing this for your own good, they say. 

So they say. And the vast majority of people believe them (ish).

Doesn’t mean *I have to* buy into it. To me, the most dangerous bit is buying into the ideology (not the injection/not injection so-called debate, more like debacle but any-wayyyy) because then they own your mind. 

You gotta wonder: who owns your mind? Because whoever owns your mind, owns your future (and your children’s mind …).

this is what we talk about in our conversations; this one is taken from the Unapologetically Unfuckwithable yearlong I facilitate.

Where does safety (& therefore power) come from? 

I have come to discover that power comes from following my own internal cues. Which means, I have to be willing and able to hear my internal cues. Now…how to do that … when fear reigns? When desperation and hopelessness prevail? When righteous rage and outrage own the body? When fear and shame shut our systems down entirely? 

As it turns out, ladies and gentlemen, we have been continuously lied to. Intergenerationally. About pretty much everything. That feeling of constriction inside of you right now comes from knowing something different than you are willing to own. (And it started much sooner than this pandemic; it’s called “parenting”.)

For those who are willing, ability manifests. 

For those who are willing, and curious to discover: that’s what I’m here for. 

I’ve been there, done that, and now I’m here … living this life of luxuriating in  my essence. Why? Because I know my truth, and I honour it …time and again, even when it feels fucking awful. 

As it turns out, dying to be right was killing me. Finally, I don’t care to be right anymore. I feel no need and no desire to even explain to another who is unwilling to hear me where I stand. I feel increasingly less need to be understood (though desire remains). 

For that, I am eternally grateful to be married to the magnificent man that I perpetually and mindfully choose daily. I am grateful to be in the Presence of women I consider Powerhouses. To be part of a small but mighty community of women who dare & care. 

At the end of the day, I know that if no one else agrees with me, I still know what I know. And I am unwilling to manipulate myself into pretending I don’t know … Talk about becoming unfuckwithable! #notabadwaytolive

How else then, shall I live?

Truth is, none of what I’m sharing with you would be my manifested reality if I didn’t live from the inside-out. I’d probably still be lost in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous trying to ‘control’ my addict (as identity rather than a brilliant strategy– see Structure of Thought). I’d be steeped in righteous outrage and hopelessness. I’d feel completely and utterly alone and lonely. I’d allow people around me to keep manipulating me (out of my awareness, justifying what they did as it must be something else or worse than that they did it cuz they care…). Worse than that even, I’d be the cause of manipulation for others around me using my children as pawns to get what I want (yet pretending I’m taking the higher path by guilting the other into compliance *vomit emoji*). Yikes! My husband would likely still hang on, but barely by a thread. Intimacy between us, nonexistent. And the most painful bit: I’d be a guilt-ridden mother who would rather be perpetually trying to escape her reality (drugs, sex and rock n’roll after all…), missing out on Presence for my son. 

Oof, I felt that neurologically in my body. I know it as a feasible alternative, if I chose to be on the path of habit and history that I was on. That version of reality really fucking sucks. The waves of tears move out of my body as I inhale: this is not my reality. But I know how easily it could have been. 

The fake constructed reality of the ‘normal’ world disgusts me.

Yesterday my husband sent me a link on Facebook and I wanted to check it out, so I accidentally logged back in to that platform (which I haven’t used in over two years) and instantaneously the message was clear: not the space for me. The first person I saw? A man I consider gross and have no respect for because he is abusive to his family and everyone around him pretends he isn’t. The second person? A woman so obsessed with her external image that no-one would know how she uses her child as a pawn to manipulate the people around her into never seeing her son. The massage for me was crystal clear: this is the domain of the fake, the pretend, the illusion. 

That, dear reader, for me, is the antithesis to Life, lived! No, thanks. I’d rather live! 

So, it is not where I choose to spend my time, as a metaphor for my life. The kicker?  I spent literally half an hour trying to deactivate the account, once again. They don’t make it easy … 

End of the day? 

I refuse to be a “Product”. 

I refuse to be a “Consumer”. 

I refuse to be a slave to habit. 

I refuse to repeat history. 

I refuse to pretend.

I mindfully and intentionally choose to be the Creator of my reality.

every moment of every day in every single breath. 

indeed, not ‘easy’, and …every nanosecond worth it.

I choose to live from the inside-out. I choose to create a life of intentionality and meaning. 

I choose to pay attention to what isn’t working for me, and claim it … so it doesn’t own me. 

I choose to notice what is working, and breathe more life into that. 

I choose to be honest with myself. I choose to give voice to the Truth inside myself. 

I choose to honour the Truth of what is (not-what-I-wish-was-but-isn’t).

I fully, wholeheartedly trust that if each of us learned to live this way (internally referenced), we would never allow ourselves to be deceived or manipulated. Because we would know … and we would trust it. 

As I have stayed conversation after conversation in this paradigm we call WEL-Systems®, I discover and integrate deeper and deeper layers that allow me own the totality of my truth – even when it’s “ugly”. And let me tell you, when it comes to uncovering self-manipulations that go on in the name of family, things get really ugly. And in that, a whole world of internal freedom opens up, because once you give yourself permission to know, you can’t unknow. 

And as always, there are consequences. So many of us never stop and wonder: what are the consequences I’d rather live with? It can be terrifying to believe “I am alone” if I be mySelf and own/tell the Truth of my experience. But it’s only terrifying when you don’t know what you’re sacrificing instead. After all, one can live inside the constraining crucible of their internalized lies for so long… before it kills them.  

So, today, I am incredibly proud of the courageous, resourceful and resilient woman I have become. I am in awe of the Truth of my essence, and I rejoice in being able to sense it in everyone I encounter. I delight in being a mother to my son, and I feel so congruent as a powerful role-model in his life. I am perpetually in a process of letting go of the layered multiplicity of the illusions that sustain the status quo out-there. I am perpetually giving less and less fucks. I feel perpetually  less and less inclined to “prove” anything to anyone who isn’t willing. I feel no call to “awaken” anyone who isn’t willing to claim “awake” inside their being. I have no desire to be right about my way. 

As I congruently move through my world in this way, a lot of people fall off my holodeck. People I deeply love. And while it hurts sometimes, what hurts me more is living a lie pretending it isn’t. Everything has consequences. 

Being categorically unwilling to live without RIG is a must to living an expansive and meaningful life.

You see, I am categorically unwilling to live without RIG. It doesn’t matter if it’s family, friends, community, the medical system, the scientific world, the online world, the political system… whatever: it amounts to the same thing – I consciously choose to live from my Truth, and come what may…