My Commitment to mySelf: In Reverence of In-Difference

I am no longer trying to infuse Life into a dying paradigm whose aim is to blindly yet willingly obliterate all of Life on Earth (and beyond!) for the sake of bottomless profit, greed and ego-stroking (power). 

I am no longer working to find band-aid solutions to predicaments that are intentionally mind-numbing the masses to their slow yet imminent demise. 

I am no longer convinced that we can "fix" the "problems" we continue to create (for the sake of making a $). 

I am no longer interested in convincing anyone of the "facts" of anything -- I've discovered that the human species has an interesting way of ignoring truth if it smacks them in the face. 

I am no longer interested in the blatant and inherent contradictions not only of capitalism, but also of people (like, the same people who demand prison abolition are the ones mindlessly gulfing down imprisoned factory-farmed meat. #JusticeForAll)

I am no longer willing to participate in a decaying world. I know myself to be part of this world, not of it. 

Turns out, the human condition has reached a pivotal point of no return, and despite what I've thought until recently, I am no one's saviour. I am not here to save humanity. I am here to discover increasingly more of my own Self. 

I know with my entire being that the True essence (nature) of my being is interconnected cooperation, infinite abundance, timeless joy. I require no more convincing, even in the darkest moments of my existence, I know. Despite the sustained lies of the culture I've grown up in and continue to live in, I know. In my knowing what I know, I am ever-open to learning what I don't know. I am curious and invitational about learning more about my own Self, my nature, my essence. 

What am "I"? What is consciousness? The way you answer these questions to yourself says everything about your view of the world and how you choose to live your life.  

I feel deeply when I experience people engaging in behaviours that necessarily lead to their own demise (in the moment and long term). And, I know I have little say or do over their lives. They choose how they live. They choose (consciously or otherwise) what beliefs they carry about themselves and how they live their lives.

My only invitation is to myself: to let it all go. Let go of the illusion that I have any control over anyone out there. Let go of the idea that I could make someone see any truth other than that which they are willing and able to see. Let go of the desire to make someone else's life richer, fuller, "better". I cannot forcibly pop the cocoon for the butterfly to come out -- even if I try, I kill the entire being. I can only stand back and watch the cocoon instinctually burst through through their own volition. That's when they'll thrive! ...and if not, that's a choice, too. 

Unfortunately, that latter choice comes with tremendous consequences of what it means to be a human, to be alive, to be thriving. Survival only ensures survival; in that world, an eye for an eye makes sense. Habitual responses and closed mindsets prevail. No movement, no flow, no Life. Just more of the same, day in and day out. 

Sustained by fear and shame-- powerful control mechanisms. No one need to police you when you're afraid or ashamed: you police yourself. You keep small so you're not noticed. You become a shell of the potential that lives inside. You dare not even look. That innate curiosity, playfulness and joy children seem to instinctively have becomes a childish trait that is conditioned out of us and replaced with fear and shame; the same story self-replicating in a different body. 

But who am I to point that out to you? If you're not noticing for yourself, my words are nothing but meaningless. Sentences whose coherence is doubtful or confusing. If one doesn't hunger for their own evolution, they will never choose themselves, and they'll go on replicating the same-old habitual shit they've been doing until now, from within the cocoon/box they've been conditioned to feel unsafely safe in. 

And, so what? It is not my role to show them "the truth". It is not my responsibility to "awaken" them to themselves. It is not my duty to show them "the way"!  

And so I land on this word: indifference. I care deeply for Life on this planet; and I'm not responsible for anyone's actions but my own. I feel deeply for the loss of potential, loss of aliveness, loss of joy, loss of ______; and I know it's not up to me to fix anything. I sense deeply the desperation in everyone running the rat race; and I know it's not up to me to make them stop (and just breathe!).

I sense the magical interconnectedness of All of Life in every fiber of my being; and I trust in the process of the great wisdom of the planet, the universe, the unknowable. 

And so my commitment to my Self is to notice when the salvation tendency comes up (and it does so often), and just take a few moments to let go. Let go with my whole being. Let go with Love. Let go with a deep trust that Life has a way of working itself out. Let go and trust. 

Increasingly let go of the old (anything and everything that comes to my awareness), opening up space for new Life to enter. Engage in life-affirming conversations that enliven me. Create invitational spaces for people that hunger for their own evolution to engage in. Continue to be part of a growing community of individuals for whom exploration and curiosity are a way of life. That's where potential lives. That's where Life unfurls.

This is where I feel most alive. 

It is time for me to continuously honour that and live, increasingly more, from that space of deep reverence for Life, and indifference to the rest. 

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