I have started to write several blog posts in the last little while…yet there was no flow. In an effort to not “waste” what I had written, I tried to make it all make sense; yet, it wouldn’t. So I decided the best thing to do is let them go, with deep gratitude for what they offered in my evolution at that time. I realize, in this moment, that I could not write about those things because the Force of Life that I AM is pressing up against the edges of my body from the deepest spaces within, that I just want to be present to mySelf, in each unfolding moment. I have nothing external I really want to focus on; I have nothing else to say that hasn’t been said; I will never “understand” the collective out there and how they see the world, and I will never be able to show anyone what they don’t already see.
I just know, for mySelf, I am HERE. I chose to be here, regardless of the chaotic chaos going on all around me. This is an intense time where, on the densest physical level, the biosphere is collapsing (if you’re paying attention you are one of the ones who knows this intimately) and I am here, to LIVE! Live a full life. Live a magnificent life. Live a life from the I AM that I AM.
And I’m still unsure of what exactly that is. I keep getting “lost” in the content of my intellect. So tight is the grasp, that regardless of all that I know myself to BE, I forget. And in my forgetting, I allow myself to get dragged down into the density and intensity of this maddening material world.
Yet even in my intimate knowing — I am not matter — I know the feeling of the material pull very well. The old stories. The old belief systems. The old experiences. The craziness around me is ramping up — I hold it as my truth that the collective reality we are creating will get worse before it gets better. An increasing external pressure to comply, to fearfully give over our minds and bodies.
And, I know that does not define my experience on this planet. Which then begs the question: Why am I here? Why have I left the weightless infinite comfort of pure consciousness to experience life within the finite limits of the dense material world, at this insanely intense time? Why did I choose this body? The experiences I have already created, and continue to create?
The past has a spot that cannot be replaced. But the context of the timeline of the past is shifting. It no longer holds a grip on me the same way…unless I allow it to. And then, I remember. Quantum TLC™. I AM Creation Out of Deep Energy™. I AM infinite.
And in this moment, I feel I am on the precipice of something massive. An unwinding, a coming out of the cocooning phase that is currently feeling so desperately constricting. I feel enclosed in this tiny space that is my body, and my body is contouring itself into shapes that feel entirely unnatural to me. For this, I have spent too much energy blaming the cesarean I’ve had to deliver my baby. Deep within me, I know, that’s just not it.
The pressure of the I AM that I am being constricted within the cocoon I am calling my body, at this time. It feels as if any second now, my body is going to explode. In that explosion, from the darkness the I AM that I am will emerge into a new light, and naturally find ways to fucking fly! A rebirth, in a sense. Darkness so deep it turns into blinding light. Isn’t that how the universe was born? From the depths of the darkest blackest hole (at least the one we know of). That’s how birth happens — new life emerges from darkness into light.
I wholeheartedly trust that once I am wholly transformed within my cocoon, I will emerge into a new world. One full of light and ease of being, despite the world out there. It is in that form that I will BEcome the invitation to live the largest life possible, for mySelf, at this time.
I can feel it in the increased pressure around me — I am so close! I am almost at the pushing phase. I can feel the discomfort in my body, and I know I’ll feel the release when I let go, allow, and simply emerge.
My rebirth into mySelf.