There is something happening within me the last month or so that cannot be put into words. It isn’t that I haven’t tried –it’s that it feels much too sacred to be able to express in language. I know this: in the expression of one of the most sacred creations of my life, I have landed home. At this moment, I don’t feel called to share what that means; yet I am called to write.
There is such beauty I notice in synchronicity, even when I’m not looking for it, it seems to find me. I suppose I have shifted my internal landscape, my “subconscious mind”, to become more attuned to the subtle energies within and around me, including my own body.
“I belong here, in this body. I belong here, in this space and time.” Thank you, dear friend, for that incredible reminder. For opening up your Self to me and for expressing in a way that reminded me my body is sacred. And I belong within.
Belong. What a magical, beautiful word. It is what we each strive to do; and yet, it is simply a state of being. A choice that often takes us decades to make. It takes feeling rooted, feeling safe, feeling grounded to truly know, in every fiber of one’s being “I belong here“.
What does it take to release all resistance to my own well-being? To invite and allow the “I” that I AM to rumble through the tissue and transform it forever? What I know for certain is that it isn’t an overnight transformation; yet relentless commitment to transformation is what it takes.
In the daily emails of the year long experience I am currently a part of (called Becoming Gaia) I have come to know Mandy Sandbach better. What a beautiful, brilliant Soul. I have yet to hear her speak and not have what she says deeply, deeply resonate. When she speaks of the regenerative power of soil, my whole body vibrates. This is physical soil, yes, and soil as metaphor for the way we (each individual) choose to live our lives. The way we treat “waste”, for example, is evidence of our way of living. It is evidence of our history, pushed to the side, left to be treated by someone else. Yet, “there is no waste in nature” I heard her say.
“Waste is sacred; it should be treated as no less than anything else.”
When I let that statement move through me, I notice my connection to using cloth pads and diapers as a way of remaining connected to the “waste” society has conditioned me to perceive as “dirty”. Yet what I know about excretions, period, feces, afterbirth, is that they are a meaningful component of Life, lived.
Without having had the words until now, I have long held my period as a sacred expression of my femininity — my body’s brilliance to prepare for the sustenance of life. I have intuitively known that there is something so intimate for me when I use cloth pads. Washing the blood out by hand has never felt dirty; instead, it feels intimate. There is a sense of connection to my body’s own natural cycle because the cycle doesn’t end with me throwing away (out of sight, out of mind) in a landfill indestructible plastic and bleached cotton aka “sanitary napkins”. I already know, there is nothing “sanitary” about the production or elimination of these irrefutably toxic “convenience” products.
I find the same sense of intimacy with cloth diapers. Until he was one years old, my son had never (ever) used a “disposable” diaper. There is something regenerative within me to deal with the cyclical process of digestion in a holistic way. I choose what foods he ingests (so far, so beautifully, healthily, unapologetically vegan), and I deal with the excrements the best way I know how. …too bad we don’t yet have human compost toilets…
I know most people out there have become numb to their ability to connect with their own internal rhythms, their cycles. They have bought into the narrative of “convenience” without realizing what they’re missing out on. Perhaps, they wouldn’t care…perhaps, they would. I know I do.
I’ve had another realization listening to Mandy speak. Some food that I ingest has historically been toxic, for me. Even when I intuitively know it, too often I resist listening to my body’s intuition. When Mandy spoke of having “reverence for the system and the process of waste” awakened something in me — this deep, innate desire to respect my body, my home. Truly, this is my sanctuary.
- What would happen if instead of eating mindlessly that which I know hurts I choose to take a breath, and make a different choice…one that respects the totality of my being?
It seems, living a process, a lifelong journey of Self-discovery. I have no illusions about what’s important to me, in this lifetime. I am here to live as though the world I seek to create is already here. Because it is. It may not be the conventional and the seemingly convenient world of watch-your-bottom-line Walmart and Fast-Food, but it is the world I choose to live in…and every conscious choice brings me and roots me deeper and stronger into the life I am living.
I have increasingly less and less desire to seek external validation — I have come to accept and internalize I am my own best validator. I have an increasingly stronger sense of Self, and that is what guides me in the direction I know is best for me.
I require noone else to change their life; yet I know the profound power that comes with awakening to one’s Self. And I accept — awakening isn’t for everyone. Most people would rather die to be right than introspect and question the voices of authority that dictate their deeply conditioned lives.
So, I let go of the choices of the conventional collective. I choose my own tribe. I create my own reality. I live a life that is meaningful to me.
Truly, I can think of no better way to Live.
