Sometimes it seems the external things in life align so perfectly for an “aha” moment to unfold.
In reality, though, I know it is synchronicity, perfect quantum entanglement. My Signal from Self ™ guiding me to my “aha” moment that I’ve been energetically seeking.
In the year long program I am currently participating in called Becoming Gaia, the theme of the month is fully occupying the body. A mission and half, I tell you! As resistant as I have been to this month’s daily emails, I also know I have been mentally primed to pay attention to my body and it’s functions.
Additionally, I have been increasingly more interested in gentle, restorative yoga practices that connect me to my subtle, energetic body rather than the more physically intensive type of moving meditations. So this month, I decided to join a program called Reset. Following a rather simple breath meditation, the instructor prompted me to journal about “if my body could talk right now, what would it say?”. In the moment I heard this invitation, my whole body vibrated with such ease at the thought of being able to speak on it’s own behalf. So I decided to sit in the meditation and simply allow my body the opportunity to speak out loud the truth of it’s experience.
What is it like for my body to be my body?
It is fitting that the voice you hear is the voice of my body, not “me”.
Instead of just using the words that came out of my mouth, this time I decided to include the whole process of the meditation. As vulnerable as it feels to make such an intimate moment public, I also know it feels right within me. Simply reading the content of my experience does not capture it’s essence.
I am so grateful for having allowed myself the space to partake in this experience… it was incredibly meaningful, and it has already shifted my relationship with really listening to my body (my personal home) and respecting it’s wishes.
And so, here’s what I discovered about my body’s desires of me, in that moment …
Thank you for the opportunity.
For the question even.
For the chance for it to rumble through and have an impact.
And finding more space.
Just in the micro movements that are being allowed to me.
And the Sensing of myself.
There’s the chronic shoulder pain.
Just wants to be released.
And get there’s something there.
That Stela is not paying attention to.
As I say that, the knees start act out.
That relaxed space becomes a bit more… Agitated.
I need more movement.
I need more relaxation.
I especially need more rest.
More opportunity to express.
I sense a lot.
I’m caring a lot.
The wiring, the programming of the past still lives within me.
And it has to be expressed in order to be released.
I hold a lot of wisdom, you know.
I hold the wisdom of the ancestors.
Carried epigenetically in my very genes, in my very. DNA the programming that makes Stela, Stela.
At least the body…Presenting in this life.
And I get access to the Signal. I am the vessel of the signal landing.
In this very moment.
In every moment.
I am the receptor.
The antenna, the tuning.
I am so fucking wise.
I have so much healing power.
And all I require is your presence in the moment.
Allowing me to open.
To move as is called in the moment.
I am your biggest freedom giver.
I have everything within me.
The history, instinct, the hormones, the fascia.
I have at all.
And I’m not selfish.
I seek desire.
Joy, ease, flow.
The signal that you are communicates with me. Directly.
I am the antenna … I kid you not!
It’s happening right now.
In the flow of the micro movements.
And the opening and the ease.
I’m grateful for the space.
I just love feeling like this. I love feeling relaxed. And rested and respected.
Sometimes Stela I don’t get that from you.
So I ask you…
To give more space.
To allow more space for me when I talk to you, for you to listen.
What would it take?
For you to respect me.
I’m your primary home.
I’m the vessel and the metaphor for Gaia, planet Earth, for life sustenance.
Without this body, the signal that “I am” simply does not exist in the physical realm.
And this body has so much potential. Such capabilities. That the intellect simply can’t begin to comprehend or even imagine.
And so…when I speak, will you listen?
When I ask for water. For nourishment. For rest.
Will you listen?
The capacity for co-creation is fantastic, it’s great, it’s massive.
I am the vessel of pure bliss on this earthly realm.
I hold that capability.
And it’s my preferred state.
So allow me.
By simply listening to me.
Will you please listening to me? Like you do guy. Like you do the needs of others.
Like you listen to Declan.
Listen and respect me.
So that we co-create beautifully together.
I have a lot to teach you.
And I hold no judgment about what you move through.
But I don’t want to hang on to your old shit anymore.
I like this question.
It’s the first time I feel I can really…speak.
Literally, out loud.
I am not broken. I am not defective. I am not weak.
I am not incapable.
I am not against you.
I am not your fucking enemy.
I am your home.
What does it take for you to pay attention and nourish your home?
I don’t send pain signals because I’m stupid.
I send signals because I want you to pay attention.
I don’t cave in on myself because I’m old. Or I haven’t had enough exercise. Or fill in the blank.
I cave in on myself because I’m tired. And I want you to pay attention.
I am strong.
I work really hard.
To keep you alive and well.
I, as the entity of all the different parts that make me up…the microbiome, the bacteria, the viruses, the cells.
Everything you know and don’t know about.
Running the show.
In almost 34 years on the planet being asked for the first time…
What would I say to you?
On top of all of that.
I’ll just ask that you make space for this kind of conversation.
See where I’m at.
What I require from you.
I. am. your. friend.