The story of spirituality I grew up with
Growing up, I was taught to equate spirituality with an external God anthropomorphized as “male” in every aspect of His being. God had the same physical characteristics as a man, and God behaved like a man. He had rules and he had expectations, which manifested as rigorous dogma. True believers follow His word, and therefore the rules. We were “good” when we went to church, got baptized and prayed every night. We were “good” when we asked for his “forgiveness” when we were “bad”. He is, after all, a forgiving Father…who must also be deeply feared.
I have tried many times to read the religious books and their interpretations, but I consistently failed because I always got caught up in the semantics. Yes, contextualize the books all I want, but here’s the bottom line: This story of God is a patriarchal creation. It is written by men, for men, within the context of patriarchy. That part of it can never change. So I could not possibly integrate it as “truth”, as much as I wanted to, when internally, it never felt “real”.
Then there’s the story of creation where God first created men, then He created women for the purpose of keeping men company. According to this version of the story, our role from the get-go was that of companion, in servitude.
To this day, women are still trying to make up for the original sin of having been born female.Tweet
And we failed. We misbehaved by daring to be curious and question His Word, and so everyone had to be punished for eternity. Now we are all living a finite life on earth-not-heaven because of that one act of perceived disrespect and misconduct. Besides how fragile this version of God’s ego is, implicit in that story is that women are never to be trusted again. So women have been in a double-bind since then because we could never make up for the original sin of having been born female. To this day, we remain second-class citizens.
To me, that story of what God is never resonated. It always felt … wrong, incomplete. A big part of it was that people like me were nowhere to be represented in this image of God. Not only was God a man, but all His angels were, too. The role of women in the religion I was indoctrinated into growing up was birthing (as 16 year old virgins, nonetheless), raising children, and disobeying God. At least, like God, I was white. Sort of…
So while I grew up in this religion, I always felt completely detached from it. In this version of God’s story, He and me were separate. There is a God, and I’m not it. I am His child. His by-product, but not it. And, He was my superior.
So I turned to atheism, proof & science: The god of the godless
Eventually, I declared myself a devout atheist. I replaced any notions of an external God with Science. I believed the stories science told, I believed its players, I believed in its self-proclaimed superiority and “objectivity”. I felt I knew scientific rigor and I trusted it, so I put my faith in it.
In modernity, science is the god of the godless.Tweet
Fast-forward a few miserable years later, I discovered that in modernity, science has become its own version of god. The god of the godless.
As it turns out, the domain of science is also a product of patriarchy and therefore it is driven by the internalized underlying presuppositions that govern the rest of society. Say, for instance, the insistence on “objectivity” when we know, paradoxically from science itself, that the observer necessarily affects the observed and in the process shifts the trajectory of what is unfolding. True objectivity can only ever be a theoretical construct…the true believers of science-as-god seem to never like that simple little fact.
Furthermore, science is also a product of capitalism, thus it is used as a tool from “the haves” (oligarchy) to control “the have not’s” (peasants). (Sound familiar?) In that, scientific findings that become popularized are filled with contradictions, half-truths and untruths. The “truth” science is tasked with presenting to the public has passed through the tunnel vision filter to produce misinformed, misguided and highly politicized narratives.
The institution of science, I’m afraid, has been hijacked.Tweet
I do not for an instant dispute there is “good” science out there. I definitely know that there is… I also know that the conventional narrative of scientific discovery is highly politicized. For example, I have spent so much of my adult life wondering, what the fuck is wrong with our school system not teaching us about the quantum world, fractals, out-of-body-experiences? Why was I never introduced to the Holographic nature of mind? What about the truth of infinity? Or the timelessness essence of time? Why was all the focus on matter? On problems? On solutions to those problems that were part of what was creating the problems in the first place? Why did I learn dates of events but never contextualized them to what that means in today’s world? Why was magic not part of my courses? Why was mind control and sustained illusion not a topic of conversation? Why was I never taught anything of value pertaining to the essence of what I am?
Rediscovering the godForce that I AM
Spirit IS the great equalizer
As a little girl, as young as six years old, I remember being outside playing and having this moment of wonder… “what is my body?” “if I were not born into this body, would I still be me?” “if I were not born to these parents, would I still be me?” “if my parents didn’t get married, would the ‘I’ that I am have been born as me?”… I had no answers to these questions, but intuitively, I felt a quiet yet lingering answer that I am who I am because of the totality of the experiences that have led to me being there, in that moment, contemplating that exact thought. I AM interconnected.
The only thing I hold as absolute truth today is that I AM the godForce manifesting in human tissue, expressing uniquely.Tweet
Understanding the fractal nature of the universe, I have come to conclude that we are all the thing itself, expressing uniquely. It is that expressing uniquely that differentiates me from a dog, a cow, a tree, a river, or you… and yet, we are interdependently interconnected as One. So, we are not different; we are all the sacredness, the holiness, the divinity of it ALL. This is true for every living being on this planet, universe, and beyond…This I AM that we all are, this consciousness expressing through tissue, this animating force of the physical body is boundless, infinite, eternal. This is science (LOL).
That’s what that little girl version of me must have intuitively known when contemplating her own existence.
Being divinity itself is a very strange “notion” for those of us who spent a lifetime disconnecting ourselves from our bodies and our external God (as representative of the divine). Yet this is not a “notion”. So long as it is contemplated as such, it remains separate from and therefore the domain of the intellect. In that, we can never own the majesty of what we are.
Being really good at holding two paradoxical truths as equally real and valid at the same time creates harmony in life.Tweet
In my life, that meant living a very shallow, hollow, diminished life of meaninglessness. I was desperately disconnected, depressed and suicidal. Clinging on to life by virtue of staying perpetually stoned. I felt so attuned to the existential crisis of “nothing matters”. I suppose there is truth to this…
On the polar end of that, everything matters. The seemingly small act of thinking a beautiful thought synchronizes with other’s thoughts and energetically amplifies. This is not woo-woo; this is quantum entanglement. There is truth to this, also.
While seemingly paradoxical in nature, it would serve us well to internalize that the laws of the universe are paradoxical (not contradictory, there is a difference). That has been my gift to myself the last few years: the ability to hold multiple truths are real at the same time, letting go of the desire to know which one is more real than the other (I believe that is a fruitless pursuit).
In that, I give voice to the space within me to reveal it’s own truth, even if it seems paradoxical (and therefore untrue), even if it seems strange. Ultimately, it is my truth. And when I choose to cherish and honour it for the gift that it is, my life flourishes.
In owning my truth, I am not accountable to anyone “out there”, but instead I am deeply accountable to my Self. That is the sacred personal responsibility that drives me to live a life of integrity and alignment, no matter what another thinks.
Living internally referenced is highly discouraged in our culture because it is profoundly dangerous to the existence of the status quo.Tweet
And so, the wisdom of our ancestors that lives in our very tissue has been crushed under the weight of an externally referenced god (authority)… because, believe it or not, it is much easier to control people when they are discouraged from being the authority over their own lives, when they fit in a dogmatic box.
Since god / consciousness / source is what I AM (Life IS), then that is what I AM all of the time.Tweet
I do not require tradition, religion, church, books, mantras, mudras, crystals, cards, yoga, or any other ideology, belief, or strategy to give me permission to legitimize being that which I already AM. In fact, I do not require external referencing of any kind…
All I require is my own Presence. Being in the moment I am in. Sensing what moves through me and allowing it to move freely. Rejoicing in the fact that I AM here, having an experience. Surrendering to that experience, and allowing it to be an expression of The All that it already is. As I know it in my own tissue, that is what Quantum TLC is.
Interconnectivity is my religion
All I require is an internalized inner knowing that I AM whole, unique and essential to my world. And so is every living being alive, including forests and rivers and volcanoes and Gaia. It is all sacred.
When honour mySelf by living my authentic truth, I honour the interconnectivity of life as is. I live and let live. I trust in the cyclical and rhythmical nature of life. I do not become consumed by narratives of fear, destruction and separation. I know that to hurt another being is to hurt my own Self. And so living, fully, authentically, unapologetically becomes my highest value. In being the full immensity of myself that I AM, I honour Life itself…because I know, that if I am free to live and let live, other beings are, too.
** In that… I have no notions of superiority or deserving more than my fair share. I have no desire to impose my worldview. I seek only to create, meaningfully. I have no desire to put anyone in a box or be put in a box, because I rejoice in diversity. I have no interest in showing off, because I am self-validated. I have desire to control, impose or make decision on another’s behalf, because I trust in the process of free evolution. I have no need for an externally validated truth, because I know how to bear witness to my own ancestral wisdom. I have no desire to live or die any moment sooner than is my time, because I deeply respect the cyclical nature of living. **
There is no “other”
I believe remembering ourselves as that which we are is the key to individual and collective transformational healing of our species on this planet…it may, indeed, be the key to our very survival.
When we remember ourSelves / our essence / our divinity, we begin notice the impact of cultural conditioning on our minds. We begin to see through the thin veils of duality. We begin to notice the illusions internalized as real. We begin to notice that there is no “other”. All of life is the godForce / consciousness / The All / Spirit / Soul / manifesting uniquely in physical space and time. In that, all of life is equal.
I’d like to end this piece by referencing an awesome piece I wrote a while back on interconnectivity:
All of Life on this planet and elsewhere must be interconnected. Otherwise I couldn’t recognize in you that which does not live in me...
THAT, is the power of tapping into our consciousness and from there, expanding our capacity for empathy to include empathy for Life — all of Life. Not just life that we perceive of our own creation (i.e. our own children or career achievements or wealth accumulation or…). This expansion of empathy to include feeling for all of life is one of the most powerful, profound, liberating feelings I have ever had the pleasure of feeling. …
From this space of deep recognition of Self in all that breathes Life, I am more readily available to mySelf, and therefore my family and all of Life. I make congruent choices without allowing the temporary feeling of external pressures to conform to sway me in a direction that isn’t mine (at least not for long LOL). What an empowered way to live! Knowing, so deep within myself, that abundance is real. That my world is of my own creation. That my life is part of, and representative of, ALL of life. That by living from the highest, most honest space within my Soul, I am contributing to the swing of the pendulum of polarity in the direction that I’d like for all of life to go. I AM, in effect, that which I want to see in the world. And as a result, my world is full of magic, beauty, and Joy!
My question to you is, and it’s okay if it’s hypothetical…
If you knew with every fiber of your Being you were the godForce manifested, would you live the life you are living now?
Are you tired of the same thoughts taking up residence in your mind without your mindful consent? If you are curious about how to unveil the layers of the thoughts that seem to keep you in a loop in life, consider joining my upcoming program “Unveil Your Truth, Reclaim Your Self”. To find out if this program is right for you, book a free 30 minute consultation with me!
To transform your life, if that’s what you’re interested in through you might be scared shitless, YOU have to take the first step and act on your own behalf. You know what habit gives you…are you willing to discover an alternative? This new year, challenge yourself…