Today has been an overwhelmingly emotional type of day. The type of day where so much of my stuff is coming to the forefront that I am constantly moving through some (seemingly contradictory) “emotion”. I won’t get into the content, because there is no content in content worth knowing, but I will share that there is so much moving through me that it is immensely intense. Literally life-changing stuff…and, all I’m choosing to do is breathe, inviting and allowing everything to flow. No need to know or have a story about it; simply BE.
Breathing is SO good. It IS the very tool by which the Life Force that I AM transmutes through this body. It IS the very tool that allows the body to process trillions of trillions of bits of information per second. It is the very thing that sustains this type of life form on this planet. It is the only tool that sustains the body in homeostasis so the body can process the information presenting at quantum speeds. The intellect can never do that …
Truly, the only thing I choose to do with the intensity of it all is breathe. I could so easily get lost in trying desperately to keep up, to have a story about it all, to have it all neatly make sense. But I refuse to diminish the massiveness of my experience to the intellectual pursuit that simply appeases my programming to make me feel “smart”.
I am not just smart; I am fucking brilliant. Brilliant in my imperfection. Brilliant in my willingness to stay the course. Brilliant in not-knowing a single thing. Brilliant in letting go. Brilliant in trusting myself and the process. In that, I am wise.
There was a once-upon-a-time when I felt I was too much. Where my own intensity terrified me. Where I wanted to hide from it, or dilute it so I wouldn’t feel so much. Where I tried desperately to make it fit into my tiny conceptual box of “acceptable”. Where I labeled it bad or wrong because I didn’t understand it … because I didn’t want to live it. And yet, my intensity always found a way to show…whether it was desperate rage that landed me in a psychiatric facility or whether it was despair that landed me in a hospital more times than I’d like to count, my intensity always found a way.
Well, gone are those days and they have been mindfully replaced by my acceptance of my own massiveness. I own my intensity. I deeply honour and cherish. Because of my intensity, I get to feelso deeply that few people would ever give themselves permission to. I feel. What a gift!
I feel so deeply and intensely that it can be terrifying. Particularly because it isn’t linear or logical. It’s paradoxical and wild. It is the divine love for imminence. So if you’re trying to figure me out, you’ll need several lifetimes.
I encourage you all to concentrate your intensity.
I encourage you all to breathe in your intensity.
I encourage you all to be in and with your intensity.
I encourage you all to give your intensity permission to flow.
It is in the flow of intensity presenting that life unfolds. It is in the flow of the information moving that truth can be revealed. It is in feeling the intensity that so much information moves and you begin to, finally, feel free. Because it takes immense amounts of energy to sustain intense energy in place. The intensity doesn’t go anywhere, it simply manifests differently. Would you rather feel your feelings or get cancer? It really is that simple.
And, it’s not. Because we have been born into a pathological society with psychopaths, hoarders and narcissists as “leaders” (aka shapers of culture). We have been born into a society where we collectively suffer from Stockholm Syndrome but continue to blame ourselves for the quality of our lives; we ignore all the evidence to the contrary and we replicate the mantra of “it’s my fault” (or someone else’s fault). We have been born into a post-truth society where truth can never be validated from an external source of so-called “authority”. We have been born into a society where the vibrations of shame, rage, fear and despair run the show of our collective lives.
I choose not-that. I choose a life of meaning. Intensity gives my life meaning. It lets me know exactly how alive I am! Am I willing to pay the fuck attention?!
I refuse to ever again try to dilute my intensity. I refuse to pretend. I refuse to become small. Because the essence of what I am is massive. And I will never dishonour it again by making it any less than it IS.
If you are awakening to the power of your own intensity and you would like to find a way to honour it, welcome it, and embrace it, I invite you to consider participating in my upcoming year-long experience called Unapologetically Unfuckwithable: Embracing the Crone that I AM. The only time is now…
