Freedom Friday: Unveiling my truth, opening doors...
Life has a strange way of working out. For those of us who are willing to stay the course, be true to ourselves (in as much as it is available in the moment), and notice the synchronicities...life is magic.
In the world of quantum, the observer affects the observed. I AM the observer in my life. And the instant I observed my reality from a different lens, one of staying true to mySelf, expectation-less and story-free, the observed (aka my physical reality) transformed.
The details of what transpired in my life are irrelevant, yet the story contextualizes the experience, so here it goes. In the last few weeks I have chosen to leave my full-time employment as a federal government employee because I would rather stay congruent in myself than comply with mandates I believe are highly immoral, unethical, divisive, unjust and unjustified. What medical procedure I choose / don't choose should have never been a condition of employment (or participation in society). To me, this is an immense abuse of power, and I don't linger in abuse.
In the last few weeks I have also internalized a simple knowing: relationships are in constant flux, transforming in nature as people within them evolve or change. There is nothing that "lasts forever", it is all a choice...preferably a mindful one, but a choice nonetheless, moment to moment to moment. I hold no ill toward anyone that I feel has hurt me. I just know when to push the pause button now, without denying myself my Truth.
There are no absolutes...
I recognize so intimately within myself that in honouring my truth and then speaking it out loud meant that I discovered what was most important to me about the experience unfolding.
At first I was deeply hurt and braced against it, wishing and hoping it wasn't so. I railed against the unfairness of it. I raged and I cried. I was deeply hurt. And then, just like that, in a single breath, with Quantum TLC™ as my way of life, I let go. I stopped bracing against what is. I chose to trust the process. I released the expectations. I let go of the outcome I had in mind. I released the people from the roles I perceived them as having played in my life. Most importantly, I let go of the stories that were keeping me stagnated in a stale reality that did not match the vibration that I AM.
You see, to stay in the story of what "should" have been would mean that I would have to deprive myself of my own life lessons, thus my own evolution. To stay in the story of what "should" have been would mean to stay in the habit and deny myself the truth of what is. To stay in the story of what "should" have been would mean to sacrifice what is for an idealized, imagined version that isn't. In essence, it would mean I betray the truth that lives inside of me in favour of the story; it would mean pretending, glossing over, shutting down. It would mean self-betrayal. And I don't live like that anymore.
When one door closes...
Freedom Friday for me came with a cost. I felt internally violated by the injustice of my circumstances. I was in a state of agitation. Just existing. Something really yucky happens inside my body when I feel powerless. Yet I know, I am never powerless in my own life. Yes, external circumstances happen and I respond to that, yet I create my own reality. So, after a little walk, I decided it was time to open up the next door holding my chosen future.
Not only did I discover what's next for me for work, but I also received an invitation from an old friend I had not seen in more-or-less two years. She is a beautiful soul that I had been dearly missing. With a small group of courageous women, we laughed, we cried, we played, we ate, we danced. We just BE. And for me, that was magical.
I wonder...would any of that have happened had I betrayed myself by insisting on what should be rather than accepting what is? Would any of that had happened if I resentfully gave in to the mandates to keep my j-o-b? What would my internal state be working for this (in my world) abusive institution? How would I feel having sacrificed my truth and betrayed myself? How would I feel having deprived myself of my own evolution?
In my world, the thing that matters most, is living life with deep curiosity for my inner landscape, and expressing from there. Anything that presents is an invitation to evolve. Am I paying attention?
Because if I am not, what presents may turn out to be mere noise, a distraction pulling me back into habit.
I know: I get to choose my life of meaning. And it's not a walk in part...but for me, it is the most rewarding way of living. It is what makes life magical! Choice. Right here. Right now. While honouring and cherishing the truth that lives inside of me. That's what's most important to me about being alive on this planet at this time. I take full responsibility for myself.
Living, unveiled. Oh how I love that word! Which is why I decided to change the name of my upcoming experience this January. Check it out here!
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