Breathing really is good.

The sushi date dilemma.

Here I am, wanting to leave the house for a simple sushi date with my husband and our little guy – who absolutely and categorically refuses to go.

“I am NOT going” he exclaims, unapologetically.

My whole body goes into a freeze response coupled with immense and unexplainable rage. I am absolutely furious that this-fucking-kid is getting in the way of what I want. I want to force him into submission.

Of course, I know I am categorically NOT doing that.

Of course, I know that my internal state has nothing to do with him – it’s all about me. He is merely reflecting back to me an aspect of my consciousness as of yet unresolved.

Now fucking what?!

I am so grateful I know how to live this way, because without that, I’d be an awful mother. I’d make this about my son not listening to me or some other bullshit. And most likely, I’d force him to do what he doesn’t want to do and try to convince myself him “it’s for your own good”.

So much mounting internal pressure. My uterus hurts. My heart hurts. My head feels heavy. Good thing I can CODE Model this experience rather than get lost to the content.

It’s all about safety.

After staying with it persistently, breath in flow, attention deep in my body, letting go of stories and visuals of the past as they came up, it finally landed.

The aspect of me that is reflected back to me through my son is seeking to stay in the safety zone and not venture into the excitement of the unknown.

Ah, there it is.

Moving forward no.matter.what. has always been my familiar modus operandi. I have known well how to venture out terrified. I knew I had to. I couldn’t stay where I was, it really wasn’t safe. So I kept looking for “elsewhere” to be. And to make it there, I’d have to carve the path myself because damn it I was done with having others carve my path for me.

But there are consequences to that. And those consequences include pushing through when the invitation is to pause. Bulldozing my way through my internal and external cues that say ‘stop’.

My son’s resistance to going out for sushi is not about going out for sushi. That’s how it’s manifesting but it’s about so much more. It’s about rooting in safety. It’s about being with the people he adores, in the space he is most comfortable in. It’s about reclaiming that, for now, rooting inward is more important than venturing outward.

Perhaps, this is my message for the day … and I’m choosing to rest into it, see where it takes me.

Questions for you to ponder …

How often do you pause to consider your internal and external cues that might be telling you to stop or rest?
In what areas of your life do you tend to push through, even when the invitation is to pause? What are the consequences of this pattern in your life?
Where do you seek safety, and how does it influence your decisions and actions?
How might you CODE Model this experience (whatever it is) rather than get lost to the content?
Are you willing to stay with the trigger, breath in flow, attention deep in your body, intentionally seeking the intelligence of what’s presenting rather than trying to make it go away?

Resources to deepen your connection to yourSelf.

Parenting well and with intention is hard work. This is why so many resort to the comfort of the familiar, noticing that somewhere along the way, they become their mother. It’s a cliche for a reason. In any case, if you are looking to intentionally evolve your parenting because you know that you are the template for the future of your children’s becoming, then I invite you to consider delving into the following resources: