What it takes to let go as a parent, and why we must!
It always, in all ways, starts with ME.
There’s a lump in my throat as I type this, and the tears are just behind my eye lids…they don’t want to flow, they simply want to be there. There is an energetic ‘ball’ in my chest and my stomach feels activated. This is the information my body is processing as I am sitting in my screened-in porch experiencing what it’s like to begin to give in to the demands of letting go…
Today, I am choosing to send my son to the equivalent of a home day care with another boy his age and his younger brother. We have been going for half days for a month now, however today he will spend a full day there.
To let go is to trust in love.
The truth is, I trust the people he is with enough to begin to let go. I have scoped out the situation, I have calibrated for my son’s body language, I have asked him all the questions around what it’s like for him to be there. I trust he is safe and I trust he is well-taken care of.
However, I am one of those people who is deeply, profoundly, intensely committed to raising my son a particular way. What I value is not necessarily what others value. And while I generally parent quite differently, I know the importance of letting go, inside of me.
My son is part of this world (but not of it). There is no escaping exposure to how people out there live. There is no sheltering him from finding out what goes on in this world. How people are treated. How people treat each other. How we treat animals and Gaia. There is no sheltering him from the “use your words” mentality, or the “good boy” bullshit. There is no way to not expose him to “who’s boss and it ain’t you” patriarchal god-as-superior-so-know-your-place stuff.
And I don’t want to shelter him from the truth of what goes on in the world. I am not the lie-to-your-kid type mother. I am the tell-the-truth-because-it’s--the-only-thing-that-will-set-you-free type mother.
So, I am called to let go. Let go of the (selfish) desire to protect (illude) him from the truth of the world he is born into. Let go of the desire to sustain his naïve innocence forever. Let go of the desire to keep him physically close to me forever. Let go of the illusion that the world out there can not penetrate his mind. Let go of the grip of my own insecurities, illusions, fears. Let go. Let go. Let go.
And trust, that my partner and I are more than capable of handling how we raise him, how we explain the ongoings of the world to him, how we shape the perceptual filters he chooses to see the world through (and it is a choice). I trust that although he will be exposed to ideas, values, behaviours that we don’t agree with as a family, that will give him an opportunity to ask the bigger questions, to discover how other people live, to pay attention to how it’s different from what he’s exposed to.
Ultimately, all this will serve the function of expanding his mindset, not constricting it. And for that, I am grateful.
As I typed all that and I check in with my body, I notice I feel lighter. My breath is more in flow and I trust (with my whole being, not my intellect and it’s “should’s”) that this is the best decision for my son at this point in time. I trust my choices as a parent. I trust my instincts. And I trust that we are resourceful and resilient an can handle anything that comes our way. I trust also that this is the best decision for me, because I practice letting go…because I have more time and space to continue to build my business and birth different creations that are also meaningful in my life.
You see, it takes great courage to let go, and trust in the process of evolution. It takes courage to not grasp and grip into some version of reality that isn’t. People who aren’t able to let go end up hoarding — emotions, memories, illusions, pain, disease, money, stuff. Yet how much of that becomes it’s own prison?
I choose not to live that way. I choose to consistently and persistently let go of what no longer holds truth for me.
However, to do that, I have to be able to notice. And to do that, I have to be willing to give myself permission to question: is this the truth of my experience in this moment or is this something I’m holding on to for fear of what I imagine would happen if I let go?
In a world drowning in fear, I choose flow.
In a world suffocating with grasping, I choose letting go.
In a world rooted in the long-held traditions (illusions), I choose internally driven dissent.
In a world burning with locked down fire, I choose intentional transformation.
I mindfully choose to trust the process of evolution, and the resourcefulness and resilience my son embodies. In the infamous words of Dr. Seuss...
This blog post was in part inspired by this short video Louise LeBrun posted on her blog post. I share this with you so you might consider how powerful you are in shaping the mind of the future. Do you shape your child’s mind to conform for the sake of fitting in, or do you encourage them to know the truth of their own experience? Because, after all, we are wired for conformity. It takes great courage to notice our own wiring and mindfully choose …how else might we live our lives, today?
- Finally, I leave you with this quote to ponder parenting as a process that shapes culture. If it peeks your curiosity, I highly encourage you to spend ten bucks and purchase the book, I promise it will empower you to ponder: how else might you choose to live your life, today!
Parenting and having been parented are the back and the front of the same hand. And it is this hand that will reach out and shape the future that we all will have to enjoy – or endure.
- Louise LeBrun, When the Horse Dies, Get Off and Stop Dragging it Around!
After all, each of us IS a thought contagion! What ideas are you spreading?