Allyship: Connection by Choice, not Obligation

To live a life of honesty, we have to be willing to notice and then let go of the lies. 

People changing can be so scary because of the internalized cultural conditioning that ensures we live our lives from the illusion of the safety of the familiar box. If I let go of being “older sister” or “mother” or “wife”, then who am I? And how do the people in my life know how to relate to me other than my role and the familiar-as-intimate expectations attached with it? Despite its challenges, connecting to and from something other-than historical and familial obligation opens up the Space for a relationship of allyship, by choice. From the here & now, moving forward, taking no hostages … 

I have recently discovered that to transform my inner state from feeling confused and unsettled to that of congruency and peace, I have had to let go of what I think I know and choose to trust my inner cues to guide me. In order to discover, I must let go of what I hold as certain and instead choose to mindfully linger in the mysterious domain of the unknown. It is in giving myself permission to be in this space that I begin to discover who I really am and who I am capable of becoming as I evolve, trusting that my evolution has ripple effects through the field. As I evolve, the collective evolves… 

Side Note: As you read, remember: Quantum TLC is the only way to invite and allow the “chaos” in the body to be digested and metabolized so it no longer holds you captive to not-that. After all, the only way to let go of and integrate history, obligations, and responsibilities attached to roles (“shoulds”) is through our quantum-biological processor. The only choice you must make is: do you trust it to do what it’s designed to do? 

As people change, relationships change. That you change and how you change, is a choice. 

People change and along with them relationships change. It’s our very nature to be in the flow of life (evolving) rather than stagnate (rotting). But because we have been conditioned to be more committed to relationships and roles than living authentically while inviting and allowing others to be authentic as well, we shy away from change (all the while desperately seeking transformation; but how could you transform if you don’t embrace change?!) or worse yet, we manipulate ourselves and our circumstances to achieve a predetermined outcome. Yikes!  

It’s hard work to evolve with people, each at their own pace. *Evolving with another demands we trust and let go of our own expectations about their evolution. It demands we accept who they show us they are and who they tell us they want to be. Evolving with another demands that each party is committed to honouring her own internal cues as they present and letting go of outcome. It demands that we stand in the moment we are in, noticing our own patterns and making mindful choices that map to our emerging authentic Self aka who we’re capable of becoming (not who we’ve always believed ourselves to have been or who we think others want us to be). It demands we let go of history as a marker for knowing and move into an uncertain future of our own creation. More than anything, it demands vulnerability and intimacy, first with Self, then with other… *

If you are ready to change, you must go first. 

If you’re the one that’s hungry to discover how else to make choices that align with your authentic being, you must choose to honour that and go first. If you don’t, you are choosing self-deprivation and self-betrayal, and that’s never brought anyone any joy. Truth is, you must choose to go first and trust that those who are willing, will follow. As women, we taught to wait our turn, be patient, wait till someone gives us permission to fill-in-the-blank. Well, I did that “good girl” bullshit for years and as it ultimately turns out, I am The One whose permission I need. Once I realize that, it’s game over because I wait for no one. 

And neither should you. Because the more you wait, the more you’ll wait. All time is now. Those who will jump on the moving train with you will catch up, and the others will fall off your holodeck. Wouldn’t you rather know who your true allies are, anyway? 

If you find yourself at a precipice, seeking to create something different than what has always been, the only so-called thing to do is to evolve with intention into the person you rejoice being. And in the process, let go of historical and familiar stories of who you think others think you should be or who you have always been. Yes, I’m talking about letting go of what all others think of us. 

Easier said than done, I know. And, like all thing personal evolution, the nature of it’s unfurling is layered, in that there is always more. (To understand this, you must understand that there is a predictable structure to thought, and it necessarily impacts how you evolve. If you are curious about learning how your mind works, I encourage you to start here, with “Reclaiming the Power of Your Mind”, from Louise LeBrun. As you listen to the audio files again and again, notice what you notice about where your thinking is ‘stagnated’. If you’re curious about living a better life, you must start with understanding how your mind works. )

“There’s no use in going back to yesterday. I was a different person then.” – Alice in Wonderland

This is one of my favourite quotes since I began my journey in Narcotics Anonymous six years ago. I am no longer the person I was; I am constructing who I am becoming by choice

This, of course, demands a greater vision of potential. Both for myself, and for those around me… 

And it also demands an unwavering commitment to knowing The Truth of my unique experience. Slight but relevant sidenote: There is no way to know the “objective” truth, as that does not exist. When you understand how the structure of mind works, you know that there is always a higher order truth. When you understand that our reality is holographic (“energy flows where attention goes”), you know that we can never know a thing as it is – we only know it as we perceive it. Of course, there exists “a” truth, it’s just that our knowing of it necessarily depends on our perceptual filters (this is why I do the work that I do, by the way: because it shows us a process we can all apply to rejoice in the nectar of pure power). 

In a paradigm that normalizes manipulation and gaslighting for compliance, I believe it is essential to no longer pretend that the abomination that has been normalized and accepted actually is either normal or acceptable. Because it is neither. And it never, ever was. In fact, this is exactly how we drive ourselves sick and crazy – seeking to find any way to believe the illusion sustained by internalized secrets and lies rather than be willing to face our visceral cues that are letting us know we are living in contradiction to our Truth.

This is why living choice-point is so critical. When the programming of the culture owns our minds, we live disconnected lives that make us sick. But if we are awakening to a different truth within us and we are interested in exploring, delving deeper into, and living from, the Truth that we embody, we must give ourselves permission to continuously notice things we weren’t willing to notice before (because of fear, shame, gaslighting, obligation, responsibility, habit, desire, …). I promise: everything will change. And therein lays the root of our most intimate desire and our greatest fear…

Embracing authenticity as a way of life is a process. It is not always fun, but it is always worth it. I would have it no other way… 

If you are ready to shift your reality, you must commit to shifting your mindset about your beliefs, values, attitudes, strategies, and behaviours. Most importantly, you must commit to shifting your mindset about who you believe yourself to be and who you are capable of becoming. If you are, it’s time for us to talk

Be an ally: Stay true to your Emerging Authentic Self, and invite others to be themSelves with you.

In order to become our emerging authentic selves, we have got to redefine who and what we are as human beings. This is what we do in the “Igniting Your Potential” monthly gathering. In this particular exploration, I speak to the power of living from our intuition, why it matters, and how we can live this way.

If you are sparked by what you hear, I invite you to join us for the next one!

Are your habits hurting you?

If so, you are the only one who can pattern-interrupt what's not working for you and discover how else to engage your moment.



How wonderful you chose this for yourself! Now all that's left is to enjoy the process of self-discovery!